First of all I would like to state clearly that I do not believe ANY child under sixth grade should have their own private IM account. To understand my reasons you can read my article Why Most Parents Dislike IM, and If They Don't, They Should.

Parents at schools I visit often ask what is an appropriate age to allow their child to have an IM account and how can they keep them safe while using it. It is an illusion that any parent can keep their child safe while using IM software. Parents have no more control over this than what happens to their child while on the playground. However, parents CAN reduce their child's risks by following some simple guidelines listed below. For parents who are considering enabling their child to use IM I would recommend drawing up a contract together that provides some comfort for you and IM freedom for your child. And, as always, if you are met with tremendous pressure or anger from your child, an appropriate position to take begins with the words "I am not comfortable with..."

GUIDELINES OF USING INSTANT MESSAGING:

1. Installation and use of IM software requires that Web Filerting software be installed as well to assist a parent with monitoring such things as language used, hours of use, time of day to be used, etc. If you have a PC running Windows you could use Safe Eyes, Cybersitter or Cyberpatrol. If it is a Mac, install Content Barrier by Intego. Links to all of these programs and others can be found at ChildrenOnline.org, click Resources then Web Filters.

2. It is not acceptable to put someone on your buddy list that your parent does not personally know or has not met without asking your parent. It is never acceptable to put a "friend of a friend" on a buddy list whom you do not personally know. Strangers on buddly lists are never acceptable.

3. Parents will review their child's buddy list regularly and will remove any users whose names are inappropriate or whom their child cannot identify.

4. There are restrictions to how many hours IM can be used each day and the times for that use. IM must ALWAYS be turned off while working on homework/schoolwork.

5. Children can only use IM in a "public area" of the house. Parents always have the right to know who their child is IM-ing and to look over their shoulder during an exchange. Children must accept the idea that parents are usually around when IM is in use.

Obviously parents will decide to loosen or forego some or all of these rules as their child matures and gets older. But most importantly, parents will want to have frequent conversations with their children about how others should be treated via telecommunicating tools such as IM and how they would wish to be treated. Discussion can address questions like as why IM is such a poor form of communication; why the person you THINK you are talking to may not be the person you think you are talking to, etc....

Also, continue to remind your child that if something happens to them online that makes them feel uncomfortable they can LOG OFF, QUIT or even SHUT DOWN. Encourage your child to talk to you about these events and what it is like to communicate online.